I think the main ingredient for good love is to use all five love langauges, at just the perfect time. It’s not like someone can have two favorites, and you just put all your focus on those two. You have to read situations and slip in whatever sort of expression of love fits that moment.
At the end of an epically hard day of climbing, or after a canoe flip on a freezing cold river, an act of service might fit perfect. To build a fire, dry your clothes, retrieve the gear from the river, and cook you a hot meal would be the path to your heart, even though quality time is your primary love language.
To sit and just hold your hand for quality time while we flop around on the wet rocks like a couple of drowned rats would not be the right move. Ha ha ha! It’s time for an act of service.
However, to leave you to watch a beautiful sunset all by yourself so I can run in the house to do your laundry and cook you dinner would be stupid. That’s the moment to sit and just hold your hand for quality time. The acts of service can wait, or be done in advance.
Words of affirmation must be timed like notes of music. They must match the rhythm of life. Don’t pull them out as a consolation to a mad woman. That makes them feel like a cheap trick, which actually has the opposite effect of a genuine affirmation. You have to start by thinking affirming thoughts. It’s a skill. Then, out of those thoughts, you can slip them in when the music of life can accept a note of praise.
Gifts are not about money or value as such. What makes a gift a true message of love is how well it fits the person. A really thoughtful gift shows you have insight into the person, their needs, desires, and life. It shows them they are not alone. They are on your mind.
Touch, also, is about companionship. A person who is never touched is like a sleeping person dreaming of nothing but cold, dark, empty, lonely outer space. They are floating out there, lost and alone. But a loving touch awakens them from that dream, and welcomes them to the warmth of friendship and love. It’s like coming home after a long scary journey.